Stamina, strength, endurance, action, potency: boys learn that men are defined by these qualities. Growing up, men gravitate toward the roles of provider and protector, both positions of strength. They keep tight rein on their emotions, learn to associate pain with weakness, and become largely defined by their work. All of these assumptions are rolled into the concept of a real man, and being a real man is the dominant standard of masculinity.
Chronic Pain and Depression Erode Self-image
Fibromyalgia, or "fibro," is a syndrome defined chiefly by amplified, whole-body muscle pain and weakness, poor sleep and chronic fatigue. Its cause is unknown, and as yet there is no cure. The galaxy of other symptoms sufferers must manage includes irritable bowel syndrome, cognitive and language impairment, and brain fog, also known as fibro fog. As with the pain, fibro fog is unpredictable in intensity and duration. Both make working on the simplest tasks many times more difficult.
Fibromyalgia causes major disruption to everyday life. Faced with chronic pain, massive loss of endurance and strength, and an unreliable cognitive state, men suffering from fibromyalgia are often unable to work full-time, perform strenuous tasks, play sports, or maintain a healthy sex life. These men find their self-image and ideal of masculinity seriously undermined. They fear losing the respect of friends, partners or spouses, and inexperience with expressing such fear can contribute to depression.
The infamous male ego complicates matters. Men want answers, they want to solve their problems now, and many men genuinely believe they will be able to overcome the pain and fatigue. When a man is proven wrong in this belief, often time and again, his ego is worn down, and the people he values most can bear the brunt of his frustration with himself.
Support is Crucial to Fibromyalgia Sufferers
Accepting the wholesale life changes caused by fibromyalgia is extremely difficult. A man of 50 with fibromyalgia will at times feel like a man in his 80s; a man of 30 will feel as if he is being cheated of his youth. Under relentless attack from his own body, simply living can seem impossible, let alone maintaining a desirably masculine self-image. He needs help in many things he once could do himself, though he may not know how to ask for it. The acceptance, respect and support of his friends, partner or spouse is essential to his mental wellbeing. Only with support and respect will he be able to pick himself up and rebuild his self-image.
Men with fibromyalgia may find support groups beneficial, as they offer the opportunity to share experiences with other sufferers. The online support group at Men With Fibro is an established, active and welcoming one. Keywords at Men With Fibro are compassion, courage, perseverance, inner strength, honesty and love. These are the real traits of a man, and none is taken away by fibromyalgia.
Men With Fibro: www.menwithfibro.com
